Communication is called an art for a reason. If you can imagine a blank canvas where you have all the tools to create one rockin' painting. The painter has the basic tools of the trade like paint brushes and oils. They have the liberty to choose other methods to create the painting and to make it serve them. This is how communication is. We have plenty of tools to create a masterpiece, but a lot of times our relationships suffer because we are not utilizing all of the tools of the trade. In the interim, our connection and communication will start to tank. Writer Jim Rohn said to take advantage of 'every opportunity to practice your so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity and the emotions to affect other people.' Your boyfriend's communication does stink and his communication skills are anything but an art form or you would not be reading an article on this subject. If you both tried to work in this area, we commend you. But the truth of the matter is if the communication doesn't shape up--it may be time to send him packing. Here are 6 communication signs of a bad boyfriend to consider before pulling the plug.
He doesn't listen.
Feminine men tend to eschew traditional views of heterosexual relationships and bring unique and advantageous qualities to dating. Femininity in men is not embraced in many societies, but it provides a different script in relationships. Guille Faingold/Stocksy. It might seem counterintuitive to say not fighting is a sign of relationship doom, but according to Salkin, 'good communication includes fighting and making up.'
If your guy continues to cut you off when you speak, this sends the message that your opinion doesn't matter. However, most of us don't listen at all if we are honest. Our minds drift, we tune the person out if they are telling a long-winded story or we just pretend that we are listening by nodding our heads. This is not a game changer. However, if they roll their eyes and make the conversation just about them, then you need to bring it up to improve things. If they refuse to do anything--it could lead to more significant issues and resentment down the road. All of us are vulnerable to the pitfalls that come with any relationship. The point is to avoid fatal mistakes so you can grow as a couple. Try to be logical when discussing this lack of communication with your partner.He is passive aggressive.
He may be passive aggressive because he wants to avoid conflict. If he is mad at you, he may withdraw, he may have sullen behavior, he makes snide remarks or he procrastinates. Beneath the surface, is anger. People who exhibit passive aggressive behaviors will work to convince you that they are not mad when they are confronted. Try communicating with them in a calm matter and try to get to the root of why they are feeling this way. The chances are they will take the situation into consideration if you explain how it is impacting you.He doesn't express himself.
If you have to play detective all the time to better measure your boyfriend's feelings, the communication is simply not there. A couple who doesn't communicate and has to try to figure out what the other person is feeling is not communicating effectively. What will happen is you will start asking people for advice on how to interpret your guy's agenda. This is going to be frustrating and tiresome if you have to confide in other people more than your lover. After all, you are not a mind reader or a detective! However, if you feel that there is an honest attempt by your boyfriend to make changes, respect his effort.He has outbursts of anger.
If anger has become a standard in your relationship--this is a red flag. This kind of communication produces other contradictory behaviors such as brutality that can impact all involved. Anger may be masked with sarcasm and teasing that is marked by aversion. These unhealthy attributes will cause issues if it is not eradicated. Usually, the signs are there before we get married. If your man is expressing anger is unacceptable ways, you need to rethink your union for the sake of your future. Bring up your concerns now to get it worked out before making any other commitments.
He doesn't show affection.
Intimacy is a physical sign of communication. If you feel your boyfriend lacks on this front, it is a sign you lack communication in your relationship. Author Dr. Tessina said that sex is a big giveaway that communication is breaking down. 'Sex is just a physical form of communication,' she explained. “If you're having trouble with sex, either you're dissatisfied and don't get enough, you feel your partner wants too much, it's a sign that your communication has problems.' In order for this to work out, both of you need to have a discussion regarding the role of sex and intimacy in your relationship.He makes you feel alone.
If you are in a relationship you are not supposed to feel alone. A no-brainer, right? If you can't talk to him like a good friend, what is the point? This just means that you are both going through the relationship on autopilot. If your partner makes you feel that you can't express yourself or you can't confide in them, it is no way to live or thrive in a relationship. The entire point of a relationship is to feel connected, and not to feel detached.We need to work as a team to communicate our passions and our differences in a productive matter. If the signs of poor communication are now an ongoing issue, you need to work it out or end the relationship. Problems will not clear themselves up, they will only get worse with time. It’s better to bring up concerns and discuss them as they arise. In the long-term, a lack of communication leads to tension and makes problems bigger that they really are. If you have done all you can, it could be time to walk away. Sometimes we can use all the communication tools and still fail as not all art is a masterpiece. Corine Gatti-Santillo is a freelance digital journalist, editor, and content producer. She is also the The Christian Post Voices Editor. She is also a former editor at Beliefnet.com.
I have a fancy, expensive degree in communications from New York University, so communicating with an SO should be as natural as breathing for me, right? Try again. While I did learn how to effectively express myself through concise language and understand the nuances of the unspoken (i.e. body language), that can all get Mojito-level muddled once feelings are involved. I've experienced my fair share of miscommunications that can be held almost entirely accountable for relationship downfalls. But what are the signs of bad communication in a relationship, and how do you fix it?
'Whether you've been on one date, dating for one week, one month, or one year, there will always be new things to learn about each other and learn to navigate together,' says Lori Salkin, SawYouatSinai.com Senior Matchmaker and Dating Coach. 'Having open and honest communication is the only way to truly succeed in a relationship.'
As humans, we are constantly communicating, whether verbally or nonverbally, intentionally or unintentionally. Communication is simply the process by which information is exchanged. So being conscious of what info you're sharing and how you interpret the info your parter is sharing is crucial to how we learn — together. Of course, there is room for error (like, a lot of err). Here are the three key ways in which bad communication manifests and how to stop it from happening.
1. An Unwillingness To Be Open-Minded
Communications Hill Dating Manager
You might not like to admit it, but even the best of us are at least a little set in our ways (which is the nice way to say stubborn). A lot of people think that compromise is a huge factor in successful relationships, and it is... but you cannot arrive at true compromise without first approaching your partner with an open mind.
'In every relationship, especially in the beginning, you are strangers coming from different places and will always have different opinions,' says Salkin. 'No two people are perfectly alike and every relationship takes compromise and a willingness to be open-minded.' She continues that maintaining an open mind and honest communication allows couples to '[validate] each other's differences of opinions, and offer ... [a] willingness to communicate and agree to disagree to build a healthy relationship.'
Expert Tip:Salkin advises that couples should avoid planning too far into the future (i.e. the five-year plan). The unpredictability of life makes it impossible to account for where you will go (both physically and mentally), how you will grow, or even who your kids will be.
2. You're Not Fighting (And Making Up)
It might seem counterintuitive to say not fighting is a sign of relationship doom, but according to Salkin, 'good communication includes fighting and making up.' As intellectual beings, humans are prone to clash with one another. In other words, no one (or couple) is perfect; disagreements come along with the roller coaster that is life. The good news? 'It is the way in which [a couple] handles the disagreements that can enable a couple to succeed or break up,' says Salkin.
Expert Tip: Salkin stresses the importance of having 'realistic expectations about how people change and the curveballs life throws you.' If you can do that, you'll have smooth makeups. And my tip? It doesn't take an expert to state the obvious here. Makeups = makeup sex. Jussayin'.
3. Issues Arise During The Times You're Not Together
The other day the guy I'm currently seeing went out to surf and then texted me that he would be back later than he expected. Sweet baby Jesus, thank you for this man.
'Communication issues often arise in the time between being together,' Salkin explains. 'It is very hard to sit and wait and have no idea when you will hear from your significant other.' When you don't keep someone you love in the loop about your life, it starts entering the territory of disrespecting another person's time, which is just not cool. Technology might be starting to hinder humanity (case in point: every episode of Black Mirror), but with Salkin's advice, you can use it to benefit your relationship.
Expert Tip:As Salkin says, 'A little ... goes a long way.' 'Send frequent messages, even if they only say 'still here' or 'things are still hectic,' she continues. 'Updates go a very long way in softening the frustration.' Showing some effort between dates by checking in over text and the phone majorly steps up your communication game. Plus, it'll likely make your partner feel pretty special.
Communications Hill Dating Man 20
Of course, communication issues outside of these three factors, like a total lack thereof, might lead to a bigger struggle. In that case, it might be time to seriously check in with your SO on why that's happening. It might sound obvious, but put down your phones and do some activities together. Salkin makes a great point that not every date has to be talk, talk, talk, but instead, share experiences, and it's likely you'll find you have a lot more to talk about.
She concludes, 'If the other person is not receptive to sharing reality with you, then it is unlikely to be a sustainable relationship.'
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